Managing up
understand your boss's needs to collaborate better

"Managing up" is neither flattery nor manoeuvring. It is a professional term, the craft of actively building, in both directions, a working relationship that holds. We do not remake the personality of the person who leads us. But we can understand their needs, read their style, adjust how we speak, and keep hold of our own life when the pressure spills over.

Trim your sails rather than curse the wind

An experienced sailor does not waste time resenting the wind. They know they will not turn it by a single degree. So they trim their sails, choose their heading, and press on. With a difficult boss, we often do the opposite: we wait for them to change, we brood over their character, we hope that one day they will at last become reasonable. The wait lasts years, and the boat stays at the quay. The term comes from the founding article by Gabarro and Kotter: the best staff do not endure their hierarchy, they turn it into a relationship. It works in both directions, and you already hold part of the helm.

Understand what they need

A boss, too, is a human being under pressure: they have a chief, constraints, fears. Spotting their needs means anticipating what matters to them and becoming a source of support rather than of worry. Some needs are extrinsic: looking good to their own hierarchy, securing sound results and deadlines met, avoiding nasty surprises. Others are intrinsic: the sense of doing their job well, mastery of their role, pride in their team's work. The surest way to be heard is to help them succeed. Ask yourself what they need in order to look good and sleep well, then give it before they ask.

Read their decision-making style

Beyond their needs, each person has a way of deciding. It can be read along two axes. Do they decide on the facts or on intuition? And do they look first with an opportunist's eye, which sees opportunities, or a cautious eye, which sees risks? The crossing of the two sketches four profiles. Most leaders combine two of them: the label is not a truth about the person, it is a marker for choosing the right register.

• The charger decides fast, on facts and results; they dread losing time.
• The visionary decides on enthusiasm, on ideas; they dread boredom and rejection.
• The perfectionist decides after analysis, evidence in hand; they dread error and vagueness.
• The conciliator decides by seeking everyone's agreement; they dread conflict and rupture.

Adapt how you speak

To each profile, its own language. To the charger, speak briefly: options, a recommendation, results and deadlines. To the visionary, show the vision and the momentum, acknowledge them, leave them room to think aloud. To the perfectionist, bring data, anticipate the questions and the risks, document everything. To the conciliator, tend to the relationship, reassure, move forward step by step. One rule holds for all, the "no surprises" rule: inform early, above all about bad news. A boss warned in time is an ally; a boss caught off guard becomes an adversary.

Stay in the Adult position

Eric Berne's transactional analysis sheds light on what plays out in a conversation. We speak in turn from the Parent who judges, the Child who submits or rebels, the Adult who looks at the facts. When a reproach lands, it invites us to take the bait: to submit or to justify ourselves. The way out lies in a single sidestep, returning to the Adult, describing what happened and asking a question about what comes next. Stephen Karpman named the neighbouring trap, the drama triangle: Persecutor, Victim, Rescuer. These three seats turn endlessly. The leader who reveals politely declines the two that are forever held out to them, the judge's and the rescuer's.

Protect your life

A tense relationship does not stay at the office: it comes home, into the rumination and the sleep that slips away. Protecting it is part of the work. A ritual between the office and the evening marks the border. To dwell on it is to let your boss live rent-free in your head. Focus your energy on your circle of influence, in Covey's phrase, your actions and your responses, rather than on what you do not control. And if the relationship turns toxic despite everything, set clear limits, document the facts, seek support. No job is worth your health.

Where to begin

We choose our friends, rarely our boss. Understanding how they decide and what they need turns an imposed constraint into a relationship you can steer. Knowing the styles, your own and the other's, is the raw material of this work: that is the role of our instrument, Florilège, and of the dialogue practice that extends it. To lead is not to impose, it is to reveal. This holds upward too: by making the relationship sound, you serve your boss, your team and yourself all at once.